Like any international students, my husband and I were busy with our studies when we first arrived at the United States. After graduation we were busy with our work and had not time to have a baby. However, when we finally got settled down and wanted a baby, we couldn’t make it. By then I suffered from frequent diarrhea. Upon inspection I was diagnosed hyperthyroidism. I went through three treatments. The doctor finally decided to treat me with radiant iodine, but I had to take medicine all my life. For this reason some people warned me that it might be very hard for me to get pregnant.
I want a baby
At that time I was married for nine years. Doctors of infertility did many tests on me but to no avail. They classified me into the 2% infertility cases with no obvious reasons and suggested me receiving hormone injections so that enough mature eggs may be produced for tubal pregnancy. When I learned that the process required human interference I rejected the idea, because birth is in the hands of God. The doctor said, “Why don’t you try injections? They can increase your opportunity of impregnation.” I was pregnant by the second injection! I was overjoyed and smiled all the time after getting back home. But during the next examination, the doctor said he couldn’t hear the heart beating of the fetus and it might be a pseudo pregnancy. He suggested me having an abortion because when the placenta grew bigger, I might suffer from hemorrhage when getting an abortion. I was very sad at the news and went to consult other doctors, but they all agreed with this infertility expert.
After that, I gave no thoughts to getting pregnant any more. The only time I got pregnant, it turned out to be a pseudo pregnancy. God probably won’t give me a baby. So I put all mind on my work and on leading student fellowship group. Students all call me “Big Mom.” Although I had no child, on Mother’s Day I received many flowers. I told God, “Perhaps these are the children you want to give me, even though they are not born from me; if it’s your will, I will obey. I will not depend on human power by going to see a doctor because it will not work.”
God will give me a baby
In 1997 Sister An Hua introduced us to attend the Midwest Thanksgiving Conference. I didn’t know there was prayer service and Sister An Hua registered for us. One evening it was already passed ten o’clock, there were still many people waiting for prayers by Pastor Tai and Sister Meilian. I decided to go back to my room and sleep. Later someone knocked on my door and asked us to hurry up for the prayer. I wondered in my heart: what kind of prayer is this? I had no idea at all.
Then we saw Pastor Tai and Sister Meilian. They didn’t know us. We didn’t have any special prayer request either. So we said to Aunt Meilian, “Please give us blessings!” Pastor Tai asked us, “Do you have children?” We answered, “No, we don’t.” After Pastor’s brief prayer, Sister Meilian said, “God said…” How scared I was! Wow! Now God is speaking? The first thing God said to my husband Rei-ci was, “God will give you a baby and it’s from you,” which means the baby is not adopted. I was shocked and started to cry. I cried so hard that I couldn’t hear Sister Meilian’s prayer until I got calm down. I was so shocked. I only remember that I cried from the beginning to the end.
After the prayer, I felt like coming back from a big battle. I was very tired. It was as if I cried off all my burdens and came naked before God. But God had pointed out my future, an impossible thing I never expected would happen. I took this into my heart as Mary did. I still thought about it in December, but the next year in January I almost forgot this.
In September I found my period was late and my body felt tired and aching. By then I was 42 years old. Is it menopause? I wondered. Something must be wrong with my body. It happened my husband was going for an interview in another state. I went with him, but came back lying down. My body felt so tired.
The next day I called my gynecologist. He asked me to buy a pregnancy kit. I followed the directions, but still not sure whether I got pregnant or not. My husband looked at it and said, “it seems we made it!” Then we knelt down in the living room and cried into each other’s arms. We prayed earnestly in gratitude of God’s grace. A woman who has been barren for a long time, when she prayed earnestly before God, her husband said, “Aren’t I better than ten sons for you? It is God who decides whether you can get pregnant or not.” I also know God controls all the births and there is nothing human can do, not to speak of the birth of a new life. Although I gave up ten years ago, every time I saw someone else’s babies, I always love to caress them and to hold them. Recalling Aunt Meilian’s prayer last November, it was within less than one year when such a big miracle happened. I really can’t believe it. Neither can I believe God’s maid can tell me so precisely what would happen in the future.
Cannot forget God’s grace
I gave my testimony in the chorus—people told me to speak of it when I was pregnant three or four months and when everything turned stable. Looking back at the whole process of my pregnancy, when I was unaware of it, I went sightseeing by boat. All the people in the boat are seasick. They would rush to the toilet regardless of Men’s or Women’s just to throw up everything. I was perfectly O.K. and even ran up and down the mount of sand. After I discovered that I was pregnant, the doctor said I was too old to get pregnant and worried that I might give birth to a defected baby. He asked me to have amniocentesis. We simply rejected the suggestion. We will accept whatever it is from God. Although I suffered from coccyx pain and pregnancy associated with diabetes, I was never depressed during my pregnancy. I prayed for my baby joyfully everyday. God also protected me to go to work safely until one week before the child was born. I gave birth to the baby naturally, without much pain.
Sister Meilian’s prayer was really beyond my imagination, but I believe the spiritual world is beyond human comprehension. As human beings, we can only give ourselves completely to God and praise his mighty power. Our praise and thanksgiving is limited, but God’s love is beyond my imagination. He gave his love to me and bestowed his full grace on me, who has been making all kinds of mistakes in my life. I was so deeply touched. God also gave my husband and me a verse, “The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it” (Proverbs 10:22). We went through all the difficulties depending on this verse. God gave us a child after we were married for 19 years. This is His sovereignty. It is beyond the comprehension of our humble human heads. We will give glory back to Him!
Notes: Yi-Le Ke is now six years old. He is very cute and smart. When he was four years old, he told mom that he wanted to believe in the God mom believes. He wanted to thank God’s great deed!
On Friday morning of MTC07, I walked into the prayer room. Pastor Anton was praying for individual coworkers, and I stood in the midst with a weary heart. Approaching me, Pastor Anton’s first words were, “My sister, you are very weak, you seem to have fallen and lost hope. However, God’s grace is sufficient, and He will sustain you.” As he spoke to my situation in the past three months and how God used them to answer my prayer to walk in closer intimacy with Him, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Since I had never talked with Pastor Anton, I knew clearly that it was the consolation from God. I cried out inside, “Yes! Yes! God, you know everything.”
In the past three months, my seven-year old Tommy caught a very peculiar oral disease. From deep within both sides of his oral cavities, redness began to develop, followed by swelling and infection, which then turned dark. Eventually it became an abscess about the size of an extracted molar. In the past three months, the condition never ceased to cycle between recovery and regression. Often he was forced to run around in the house to ease the pain. Wherever he went, he carried the anesthetic mouthwash in hand. He couldn’t eat, and even drinking was hard. During this period, he was unable to attend school. He was pale, malnourished, in constant pain, miserable and depressed. He woke up in the middle of the night, crying because of the pain. His physical and psychological health spiraled down. Antibiotics prescribed by the oral specialists were ineffective. Examinations with radiation scan could not reveal any abnormalities. At last, we hoped that oral biopsy would help to uncover the disease, but again to no avail. Three specialists claimed that they had never seen such a case and advised us to transfer to another branch of specialty, but they were not sure which specialty it should be.
Everyday, my husband and I were consumed as we watched Tommy battle with his own immune system, becoming weaker and sadder day by day. After the biopsy, Tommy refused to eat any food, except to drink liquid nutritional supplement. His weight dropped rapidly, losing twenty pounds within just two weeks. Besides pain, he had developed a fear of eating; tears would well up as soon as he saw food. As parents, we were in great agony, but besides praying for him unceasingly, we didn’t know how to alleviate Tommy’s pain. When my parents came to visit him, it was so unbearably for my mother that she almost fell ill.
During this time, our family was like in a spiritual warfare. The enemy wanted to take away our faith, our heart for ministry and our desire to open up our home. The enemy wanted to frighten us through our child’s disease, but I deeply believed that our lives are in God’s hand. If God allowed it to happen to me, I would remain silent and never back down. I believed that God has a wonderful will behind all this. Although the course was difficult, He had surrounded me with a group of brothers and sisters and pastors, who interceded for us and provided care and support to us. It made me believe deeply that God takes care of me, encourages me and loves me.
Right about this time, the annual MTC was drawing near. Both my husband and I were to minister and thus could not be absent. There seemed to be a quiet understanding between us to not to even mention the possibility of giving up the conference or ministering. However, during the three days prior to the conference, I wept each time as I was ministering. Anyone’s comfort would make me sob unstoppably. Nevertheless, there was a thought in my heart telling me to be strong; to do whatever needed to be done and to leave everything to God.
Thus, I remained at my ministry post until Friday morning when God comforted me through the prophetic prayer of Pastor Anton. Pastor Anton said, “This is a key moment—God will answer your prayer.” Hope was rekindled in my heart. That night, Tommy’s stamina had hit its limit, and he was unable to get downstairs. My husband had to stay in the room to accompany him. That night after his message, Pastor Anton announced that the power of healing was to be released that night, especially to the young people, who would be empowered to prayer for others’ healing. I saw the Holy Spirit’s anointing of healing operating in the sanctuary—God was healing and delivering people in need. The air was filled with an atmosphere of godliness, healing and heavenly mystery. I rushed to phone my husband, asking him to bring Tommy downstairs. I told him that God was doing works of healing, and he was not to waste time in bed but to hurry over to get prayed for. Since Tommy was completely exhausted, my husband carried him to the meeting on his back.
As Pastor Anton was about to depart, I immediately stepped forward to ask him to pray for my sick child. He walked back to the stage right away and invited Tommy up the stage, and proclaiming, “I saw the power of healing on this child. God will do a miracle. Doctors cannot heal him, but God will, not only his body but also his mind. He will not be afraid of eating food. He can eat all kinds of food, no restrictions needed. Young children will rise up! Rise up, rise up for God!” Like in a dream, both Tommy and I received the healing power simultaneously. Pastor Anton did not know what illness Tommy had, but God is omniscient and omnipotent. Through Pastor Anton’s prayer, God brought forth healing, edification, comfort and encouragement. “On the day I called, you answered me; you increased my strength of soul.” (Psalms 138:3)
My twin sons, Timmy and Tommy, had been hoping to be baptized during the conference. The next day, on Saturday, due to Tommy’s healing, the baptism they had awaited for an entire year took place.
After the conference, Tommy returned to school. Although he was still every weak and didn’t have a strong stamina, he was no longer afraid of eating. Now tissues in his oral cavity have already been healed, and his mind and body are gradually recovering. Still we don’t know the cause of his disease, but we give thanks and praise to the Lord. His grace is sufficient. As a result of this amazing healing, the beautiful witness had deeply moved my 81-year old father, who also decided to accept Jesus as his Lord on Christmas Day. Indeed, God answered my prayer of many years. The journey is hard but I can walk through it with God. Glory be to my Lord Jesus Christ.
找到命定
慈安
在過去的半年裡，神興起Melinda姐妹在教會裡開始一個婦女查經小組，研讀Babara K .Mouser 所著『合神心意女人的5方面要點』（Five Aspects of Woman）這本書。推出之前她問我意見如何，我真想說『週日下午正好眠，捲起書本待來年』； 但我一向感受Melinda身上散發出一股說不出的平靜與智慧，她提議的一定對我們有益，於是決定全力支持。沒想到造成我生命這階段的一個大轉變；書都還沒讀完，很多姐妹也都已經大大地經歷了神。
During the last 6 months, God has risen up sister Melinda to start a women’s group to study “Five Aspects of Woman” written by Mrs. Barbara K. Mouser. Before promoting this event, she asked me for my opinion. I wanted to say that, “Sunday afternoon is just the perfect time to rest. Why don’t we wait and see?” However, I always sense an indescribable calmness and wisdom within her so whatever she suggests must be beneficial to us. Therefore, I decided to fully support her on her proposal. Little did I know that this decision would radically change in my life. Without even finishing the whole book, many sisters have also already encountered God in profound ways.
The first aspect brings to light that a woman is the mistress of the domain (inner and outer domains in life). God first created man, then woman. Together, man and woman build God’s kingdom to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28). This is our creation purpose and destiny. This is the “Kingdom Mandate”. Interestingly, this is also the exact calling for our church – the “10500 Mandate” – calling God’s people, men and women, young and old, rich or poor, to humbly and whole heartedly run toward excellence. We are called to be an elite, or a “mistress or master”, over our domains – becoming God’s testimony on every major mountains of influence in the world, fulfilling our assignment to build His kingdom and contain the Great Harvest for the day of God’s glorious coming. Elites are represented by the number 10,000, whereas 500 represent their spiritual covers. I finally have grasped the meaning of “10500 Mandate” – our destiny is to build God’s Kingdom! Those who deny themselves and follow Jesus are the elites! For Matthew 13:44-45 says, “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. ”
But even in this great call, the scripture says that “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) After Adam and Eve sinned, people entered into the age of “end time”. We are now truly living in end time – no longer living to the full extent of God’s original creation purpose. Therefore, we cannot fully fulfill His mandate to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it”. In fact, throughout the whole Bible, in various ways, God has repeatedly warned people about the end time: the flood destroying the sinful world, a volcanic burial of Sodom and Gomorrah, ethnic genocide of Hebrew male babies by Egyptian Pharaoh, and the violent and cruel nations set to destroy Israel when she turned away from God and worshipped idols. If we don’t live by faith (Habakkuk 2:4), like Noah’s building the ark, Lot’s family’s exit of Sodom, Moses’ leading the Israelites to exit Egypt, Israelis’ exit of Babylon, returning to God and building the temple, and God’s sending of His only son to save us, how could we become holy and be worthy to build God’s Kingdom? I used to think “end time” means something that will happen in the near future, without realizing that I am in “end time” already! Actually, “end time” is almost coming to an “end” and Christ is returning soon!
The second aspect points out that a woman is not only a man’s “helper”, but more importantly, is his “completer”. Genesis 2:18 states that “The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” In Chinese and English Bible, the word “help” can not exactly express the original meaning of the Hebrew word “עֵזֶר (’ezer)”. It means “to complete”, “necessary”, and “indispensible”. It excludes the meaning of secondary and subordinate. Namely, the more exact way to state this verse is “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a completer meet for him”. Therefore, the purpose for woman to help man is to make each other complete and become one in order to respond to the God’s calling of building the Kingdom. Without woman, man’s work will not be completed and vice versa. As a consequence, God’s Kingdom cannot be built up. Similarly, the Church recognizes Christ as Her head. Jesus is the bridegroom and The Church is His bride. They shall become one. In the same way, God’s people and God shall become one. After all, “Oneness” originates from God’s image of trinity – God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. The three parts become one to complete each other. God made the image of “oneness” inside us!
After my youngest daughter was born, life stretched my emotional and physical strength to the limit. I did my best to take care of three children and do housework, thinking “Isn’t woman a man’s helper? Perseverance will certainly bring hope. Striving forward will eventually bring reward.” But my husband actually feels that I constantly held him back. I often asked “Lord! What are my problems? How did those great women do it?” It turns out that if we recognize that men and women’s destinies are to build God’s Kingdom together, then my laboring is totally worth it. No matter how hard life becomes in the future, it will be filled with joy because we and our children will see God’s glorious coming, and the eternal increase of His government and peace (Isaiah 9:7). Eureka! I finally found the answer! I was just like the woman at the well who drank the “never thirsting” water described in John 4: “but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14). All of us have short-termed goal in every stage of our lives. If we don’t align these goals with God’s eternal destiny for us, we will easily lose orientation after achieving each goal. Even to a point that after being pumped up in special conference, we become hopeless as soon as we return back to the stress of our daily life. This is all because that we have forgotten that we are created to build God’s kingdom and carry out the mandate to “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.”
In seeing other sisters also receiving many blessings from the women’s group and their lives being changed, God gave me a vision at church 2 weeks before Midwest Thanksgiving Conference (MTC). Why not share such wonderful blessings to all the sisters during the conference? So after receiving approval from Meng-Da Hsieh, the MTC coordinator, I then boldly approached sister Melinda Wong, then 4 months pregnant, on whether she would like to lead a workshop of “5 Aspects of Woman”. I also asked Sister Joyce Weng, who oversees MTC registration, to be the interpreter because she leads the Chinese discussion for the women’s group. They both told me that they would pray about this. After several days, both replied me that God has moved them to take on this task.
Honestly speaking, up until the moment before the workshop began, we were secretly worried that what if only 3 of us showed up after all? Our prayer was: even if only one or 2 sisters show up, they would find their destiny by this workshop and influence others. Unexpectedly, the 20 copies of the lecture notes were not enough to go around! Praise the Lord that He even provided 2 brothers, Bin and Francis, to help us print extra notes, record the message, and move the chairs, so that our work could be completed.
After sister Melinda’s teaching, sister Yanling, holding her baby girl, gave a wonderful testimony. The workshop concluded with a prayer blessing from Pastor Rebecca Wu from Chinese Christian Prayer Mountain (CCPM) and Mrs. Elsie Tong from Chicago. I saw many sisters with smile on their faces. Many of them stayed afterward for more lively sharing and discussions. I believe that God has planted the seed of His Kingdom in every woman’s heart so that they will continue to shine for God after they leave the conference.
After the conference, Pastor Hannah Chang from CCPM prayed for me one evening. She began by saying, “God has chosen you to complete your husband, David, in order to complete His Kingdom work. God is delighted that you are completing your Kingdom task.” I can only respond by saying “Amen”. God reveal exactly what I had received from Him through the prophetic prayer of a pastor who did not know me at all. I have not even told my husband yet! Her prayer further confirmed what I have received from God recently, as spoken in Revelation 19:10 “for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”!
I felt like a power that is greater than atomic bomb is going to explode from my body. As I was overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit, the song “O Happy Day” started to play again and again in my heart. Often when I sang this song, I easily feel its liveliness. But this time, the joyfulness I felt cannot be measured. There are no words that can describe the happy feeling in my heart. I truly want to pray and worship, without ceasing, this true and living God. I finally understand why the early church constantly worshipped the Lord together (Acts 2:46, 47) and why many places in Revelation say that we will worship the Lord day and night. It is because when we taste and see that the Lord is good, we want to give Him all glory (Psalm 35:8, I Peter 2:3)!
Beside the unquenchable desire to worship and praise God, He also opened my ears of worship. I used to be very picky with the musical aspects of praise songs. I can easily discern when instruments or vocals project noise or go off pitch. Even though I respect a composer’s heart toward God, I rarely find the worship music enjoyable. I really envy other people when I saw them enjoy themselves during worship. I constantly say to God “Please turn off my keen musical senses because at least I will be happier!” However, after being filled by the Holly Spirit, God truly answered my prayer! Just as 1 Corinthians 3:18-19 says, “If any of you think he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a “fool” so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.”. I suddenly realize that when I worship and praise God, my heart was no longer stymied by the sound. God completely set me free – “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). As long as the songs worship and praise my Lord, they would stir me with excitement and I would often shed tears in response. I can feel our worship rising as a fragrant sacrifice (Leviticus 3:5) to the throne of God to bring Him pleasure. God is abundantly pleased when His children come to worship and praise Him!
Just like the women at the well who immediately ran to tell her village about Jesus when she met the true God, I was also bursting with desire to share the joy of my encounter with God. I burned with eagerness to tell people about my life transformation, about how every word in the Bible is true, and how “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrew 13:8)! I even want to share my testimony with strangers I meet on the street and pray for them. I then asked my pastor for permission to share my testimony in the church.
God also opened my eyes. When I would read the Bible, the words that use to be dull became alive. It was like eating a hardy and sumptuous heavenly meal such that the more I ate, the more I desired the word. When I do housework, the Lord would bring me revelations and Bible verses. I would often quickly jot them down and look for those verses. Studying Bible is no longer a chore for me. The excitement of understanding God’s desire and mystery through reading God’s words is indescribable!
Subsequently, God began to prod me to go to the places we have lived to share with them about this good news. During the 15 years of marriage, my husband and I moved every 2 years and have lived in 8 cities because of school and work. God’s Mandate in end time is “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” (Matt 28:19- 20). For a homemaker like me, there is a certain degree of difficulty with “go”. However, God miraculously gave me the opportunities to “go” and to speak His desire. Thank God for choosing us to complete his Kingdom directive to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it”. This is our creation purpose and destiny, the meaning and the blessing of our life! (Memoir after Thanksgiving, 2010)
Testimonies
哈拿的喜樂
黃瑞苑
就像一般留學生一樣，我和先生剛到美國時為學業忙碌，之後就為工作忙碌，沒時間生小孩，等一切穩定後想要小孩時，卻一直沒有消息。那時我常拉肚子，檢查後發現是甲狀腺機能亢進，前後經歷三次治療，最後用放射碘來治療，需終身吃藥；因此有人警告我可能不容易受孕。
我想要小孩
當時我已結婚九年，不孕症專家為我做了許多檢查，都沒有結果，只能把我歸類在2%不明原因的不孕症中，並建議我打賀爾蒙，以產生許多成熟的卵，來作試管嬰兒。我一聽需要經過人的加工，並想到生育是神的事，就拒絕了。醫生說：不然還是打針，來增加你的受孕機會吧，才打兩次我就懷孕了。那時我高興極了，回去後更是笑不合攏。但下一次去檢查時，醫生卻說聽不到胎兒心跳，可能是空胞胎，建議我們拿掉，否則胎盤繼續長大，將來流產可能會大流血。聽了以後我非常傷心，再去找別的醫生諮詢，但大家都贊同這位不孕症專家的意見。
至此之後，我再也不想懷孕的事了，連僅有的一次，神都給空胞胎，大概不會給我孩子了。於是我就把心思放在工作及帶領學生團契上。學生們都叫我「大娘」。母親節時雖然沒有小孩，我反而會收到許多花。我跟神說：「也許這就是你要給我的孩子，不是從我生的；若是你的旨意，我願意順服」，不再靠人的力量找醫生，結果也是枉然。
神要給我小孩
一九九七年教會的安華姊妹介紹我們參加中西部感恩節特會。我不知道有禱告服事，是安華替我們報名的。有一晚已經十點多，還有許多人等戴牧師及美蓮姊妹禱告，於是我回房準備睡覺。後來有人來敲門，要我們了趕緊去禱告。我心裡納悶著：這是一個怎樣的禱告呢？我完全沒有概念。
之後看到戴牧師及美蓮姊妹，他們不認識我們，我們也沒有什麼特別需要禱告的事項，因此對美蓮姑說：請為我們祝福吧！ 牧師問：你們沒有小孩嗎？我們回答：沒有。戴牧師作了一個簡短的禱告後，美蓮姊妹就說：『神說…』我完全嚇到了！現在是神在說話嗎？而且一開口就對著先生瑞慈說：『神要給你一個小孩，是從你生的…』不是領養的。我更是震驚，開始掉眼淚，以致無法聽到美蓮姊妹的禱告，等我稍微控制自己之後才能繼續聽下去。我實在太震驚，只記得我從頭哭到尾。
禱告結束後，感覺像打了一場仗，非常疲累，彷彿身上的重擔全都哭掉了，在神面前赤裸裸，神卻指出我的未來，一件不可能也不敢盼望的事。但我像馬利亞將這事存在心裡。十二月還偶而會想到，到隔年一月份時我幾乎完全忘記這事。
九月時我發現月事已晚，而且人非常疲憊，當時我已四十二歲，心中猜想是否更年期來了？身體是不是有問題。剛好先生要到外州面談，我跟著去，但我是躺著回來的，身體累得不得了。
第二天我打電話給婦產科醫生，他居然要我去買驗孕試劑。我照著說明書做，一驗之下還搞不清楚有沒有？先生看了之後說：『好像有了！』。當下我倆就在客廳跪下來抱頭大哭，痛切的禱告感謝神的恩典。一個長久不生育的女人，當她向神苦求時，先生也說：『有我不比十個兒子還好嗎？叫你生育的是神阿。』我也知道生育在神，人所能做的很少，何況這是一個生命的誕生。雖然十年前我已放棄，但每每看到別人的小孩，我還是很愛去逗，去抱。記起去年十一月特會美蓮姑的禱告，不到一年，竟然發生這麼大的一個神蹟，真不敢相信，也不敢相信有神的使女能把將來發生的事那麼準確的說出來。
主恩難忘
我在詩班作了這個見證，有人要我到懷孕三、四個月後比較穩定時再說。但回頭看我的懷孕過程，在我不知道懷孕時，還出去遊玩坐船，全船的人都暈船，我卻完全沒事，還到沙丘跑上跑下；知道懷孕後，醫生說我是高齡產婦，擔心我生出蒙古症的孩子，要我做羊膜穿刺，我們一口回絕。若是神給的，無論如何我們都接受；雖然其中經歷尾椎骨痛，姙娠糖尿等問題，但懷孕期間我幾乎不曾生氣，每天喜樂為胎兒禱告。神也保守我上班平安，一直上到小孩出生前一週。我的生產也很順利，是自然生產，沒什麼痛苦。
關於美蓮姊妹的禱告實在超出我想像。但我相信屬靈的事，不是人所能了解。人只能完全交給神，並全然讚美神。人所能表達的感謝是有限的，但神的愛在我這樣一個大錯小錯不斷的人身上，恩典完全賜下，是我無法想像，也深深感動的。神也給我們夫妻一句話：「耶和華所賜的福，使人富足，並不加上憂慮。(箴言10:22)」我們就靠這一句話渡過所有的困難。回頭看結婚十九年，神才賜給我們一個孩子，這是祂的主權，不是我們用人的小腦袋所能參透的，我們願將榮耀歸給祂！
後記：柯依樂現在已經六歲了，聰明可愛。在四歲的時候，就告訴媽媽，要信媽媽所信的那位神。感謝神自己的作為！
The Joy of Hannah
Ruiyun Huang
Like any international students, my husband and I were busy with our studies when we first arrived at the United States. After graduation we were busy with our work and had not time to have a baby. However, when we finally got settled down and wanted a baby, we couldn’t make it. By then I suffered from frequent diarrhea. Upon inspection I was diagnosed hyperthyroidism. I went through three treatments. The doctor finally decided to treat me with radiant iodine, but I had to take medicine all my life. For this reason some people warned me that it might be very hard for me to get pregnant.
I want a baby
At that time I was married for nine years. Doctors of infertility did many tests on me but to no avail. They classified me into the 2% infertility cases with no obvious reasons and suggested me receiving hormone injections so that enough mature eggs may be produced for tubal pregnancy. When I learned that the process required human interference I rejected the idea, because birth is in the hands of God. The doctor said, “Why don’t you try injections? They can increase your opportunity of impregnation.” I was pregnant by the second injection! I was overjoyed and smiled all the time after getting back home. But during the next examination, the doctor said he couldn’t hear the heart beating of the fetus and it might be a pseudo pregnancy. He suggested me having an abortion because when the placenta grew bigger, I might suffer from hemorrhage when getting an abortion. I was very sad at the news and went to consult other doctors, but they all agreed with this infertility expert.
After that, I gave no thoughts to getting pregnant any more. The only time I got pregnant, it turned out to be a pseudo pregnancy. God probably won’t give me a baby. So I put all mind on my work and on leading student fellowship group. Students all call me “Big Mom.” Although I had no child, on Mother’s Day I received many flowers. I told God, “Perhaps these are the children you want to give me, even though they are not born from me; if it’s your will, I will obey. I will not depend on human power by going to see a doctor because it will not work.”
God will give me a baby
In 1997 Sister An Hua introduced us to attend the Midwest Thanksgiving Conference. I didn’t know there was prayer service and Sister An Hua registered for us. One evening it was already passed ten o’clock, there were still many people waiting for prayers by Pastor Tai and Sister Meilian. I decided to go back to my room and sleep. Later someone knocked on my door and asked us to hurry up for the prayer. I wondered in my heart: what kind of prayer is this? I had no idea at all.
Then we saw Pastor Tai and Sister Meilian. They didn’t know us. We didn’t have any special prayer request either. So we said to Aunt Meilian, “Please give us blessings!” Pastor Tai asked us, “Do you have children?” We answered, “No, we don’t.” After Pastor’s brief prayer, Sister Meilian said, “God said…” How scared I was! Wow! Now God is speaking? The first thing God said to my husband Rei-ci was, “God will give you a baby and it’s from you,” which means the baby is not adopted. I was shocked and started to cry. I cried so hard that I couldn’t hear Sister Meilian’s prayer until I got calm down. I was so shocked. I only remember that I cried from the beginning to the end.
After the prayer, I felt like coming back from a big battle. I was very tired. It was as if I cried off all my burdens and came naked before God. But God had pointed out my future, an impossible thing I never expected would happen. I took this into my heart as Mary did. I still thought about it in December, but the next year in January I almost forgot this.
In September I found my period was late and my body felt tired and aching. By then I was 42 years old. Is it menopause? I wondered. Something must be wrong with my body. It happened my husband was going for an interview in another state. I went with him, but came back lying down. My body felt so tired.
The next day I called my gynecologist. He asked me to buy a pregnancy kit. I followed the directions, but still not sure whether I got pregnant or not. My husband looked at it and said, “it seems we made it!” Then we knelt down in the living room and cried into each other’s arms. We prayed earnestly in gratitude of God’s grace. A woman who has been barren for a long time, when she prayed earnestly before God, her husband said, “Aren’t I better than ten sons for you? It is God who decides whether you can get pregnant or not.” I also know God controls all the births and there is nothing human can do, not to speak of the birth of a new life. Although I gave up ten years ago, every time I saw someone else’s babies, I always love to caress them and to hold them. Recalling Aunt Meilian’s prayer last November, it was within less than one year when such a big miracle happened. I really can’t believe it. Neither can I believe God’s maid can tell me so precisely what would happen in the future.
Cannot forget God’s grace
I gave my testimony in the chorus—people told me to speak of it when I was pregnant three or four months and when everything turned stable. Looking back at the whole process of my pregnancy, when I was unaware of it, I went sightseeing by boat. All the people in the boat are seasick. They would rush to the toilet regardless of Men’s or Women’s just to throw up everything. I was perfectly O.K. and even ran up and down the mount of sand. After I discovered that I was pregnant, the doctor said I was too old to get pregnant and worried that I might give birth to a defected baby. He asked me to have amniocentesis. We simply rejected the suggestion. We will accept whatever it is from God. Although I suffered from coccyx pain and pregnancy associated with diabetes, I was never depressed during my pregnancy. I prayed for my baby joyfully everyday. God also protected me to go to work safely until one week before the child was born. I gave birth to the baby naturally, without much pain.
Sister Meilian’s prayer was really beyond my imagination, but I believe the spiritual world is beyond human comprehension. As human beings, we can only give ourselves completely to God and praise his mighty power. Our praise and thanksgiving is limited, but God’s love is beyond my imagination. He gave his love to me and bestowed his full grace on me, who has been making all kinds of mistakes in my life. I was so deeply touched. God also gave my husband and me a verse, “The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it” (Proverbs 10:22). We went through all the difficulties depending on this verse. God gave us a child after we were married for 19 years. This is His sovereignty. It is beyond the comprehension of our humble human heads. We will give glory back to Him!
Notes: Yi-Le Ke is now six years old. He is very cute and smart. When he was four years old, he told mom that he wanted to believe in the God mom believes. He wanted to thank God’s great deed!
神奇的醫治
龍雲霞
2007年感恩節特會星期五的早上，我走進禱告室，安童牧師正在為同工們作個別禱告的服事，我則帶著疲憊軟弱的心站在當中。
安童牧師走向我的第一句話就是：『我的姊妹，你非常的軟弱，你好像跌倒失去了盼望，但神的恩典夠你用，祂要扶持你…。』
當他說到過去的三個月我所遭遇的是神要應允我的禱告，使我更深地與祂同行時，我已泣不成聲，因為我從未與安童牧師交談過…我很清楚這是從神來的安慰，我內心吶喊著：「是的！沒錯！神！你全都知道！」
兒子的怪病
過去三個月，我七歲的孩子Tommy得了奇怪的口腔疾病。在口腔左右兩邊最深之處，從紅腫、發炎到發黑，成為潰爛的黑洞，面積如一顆大牙拔掉的狀態；好了又壞，重複地發生，三個月來從未停止過。
他痛得在家必續藉著到處跑以減輕他的疼痛。不論走到哪裡，手上不離麻醉漱口水。他無法進食，甚至連喝東西都很勉強。
這段時間，他無法上學，臉色蒼白，營養不良，整天處於疼痛狀態，精神消沉，愁苦憂傷，甚至半夜也因疼痛而哭醒。整個生理、心理惡性循環，每況愈下。口腔專科醫生開抗生口腔專科醫生開抗生素也無效，作了掃描也沒查出任何異狀。最後，期待口腔切片能查出病因，結果也落空。三位專科醫生都說沒見過這樣的病例，並要我們轉到另外一科，而要轉哪一科的醫生也無法確定。
我和丈夫每天心力交瘁，看著Tommy靠著本身的抵抗力，一天比一天消沉瘦弱。他在切片手術後就完全拒絕吃任何東西，只願意喝液體的營養品，體重迅速下降，短短二週就瘦了二十磅，他不單是痛的問題，心裡也對「吃」起了懼怕，看到食物就掉眼淚。我們作父母的實在心痛萬分，但除了不住地為他禱告外，不知道還能做什麼才可以減輕Tommy的痛苦。我父母來探望他後，母親心中不忍，幾乎病倒。
信心的考驗
這段時間我們家就像進入一場屬靈爭戰，仇敵要奪走我們的信心、服事的心、接待及開放家庭的心。藉由孩子的疾病來驚嚇我們，但我深深地知道我們的生命在神手中，若神允許在我身上發生的事，我就默然不語，絕不退縮。
我相信在那背後有神美好的旨意，雖然過程艱難，但神在我周圍放了一群弟兄姐妹及牧者為我們代禱，關懷我們，使我深信神是眷顧我，鼓勵我，也是愛我的。
神奇的醫治
就在此時，一年一度的中西部感恩節特會來臨了。我和丈夫都有服事，不能缺席。我們夫妻似乎有一種默契，絕口不談是否放棄參加特會和服事。然而特會中的前三天，我卻是一邊服事，一邊流淚，任何人對我的安慰都讓我淚流不止。但是我心中一直有一個意念告訴我要堅強起來，該做的事還是要做，一切交託給神。
於是我仍舊持守在服事的崗位，一直到星期五早上神藉安童牧師先知性的禱告安慰我，他說：『這是關鍵時刻，神要回應你的禱告。』我心中的盼望再次點燃。
當天晚上，Tommy的體力已經到了極限，無法下樓。丈夫只好留在房間陪他。當晚安童牧師講完信息後，他說今晚神要釋放醫治的大能，尤其給這些青少年，使他們有能力為人醫治禱告。
我看見聖靈醫治的恩膏在會場中運行，神在醫治釋放有需要的人。空氣中散發著敬虔、醫治與屬天的奧秘。我迫不及待地打電話給我我迫不及待地打電話給我丈夫，請他帶Tommy下樓，我跟他說神在做醫治的工作，不要浪費時間躺在床上，快點來禱告。但因Tommy的體力已經耗盡，我丈夫就將Tommy背到會場。
當時安童牧師正要離開，我馬上上前請求他為我這生病的孩子禱告。他馬上走回台上要Tommy到台上，他宣告說：『我看到醫治的大能在這個孩子身上，神要行神蹟，醫生不能醫他，但神要醫治他，不但醫治他的身體，也要醫治他的思想，他不再懼怕吃東西。他可以吃所有的食物，不必受限制；小孩子要興起！興起！為神興起！』
我就像作夢般與Tommy同時領受這醫治的大能。安童牧師並不知道Tommy是什麼病，但神是全知全能的神，神透過安童牧師的禱告，帶來醫治、造就、安慰與勸勉。「我呼求的日子，你就應允我，鼓勵我，使我心裡有能力」（詩138:3）
兒子受洗
我的雙胞胎兒子Timmy 和Tommy一直希望能在特會期間受洗，隔天星期六因著Tommy得著醫治，使他們盼望一整年的受浸如願以償。
特會結束後Tommy回到學校，雖然他身體仍非常軟弱，體力也不好，但他不再懼怕吃東西。如今他的口腔組織已經癒合，身心靈也已漸漸回復，我們仍不知他的病因，但感謝讚美主，祂的恩典夠我們用。
因著這奇妙的醫治，美好的見證使我八十一歲的父親深受感動，在聖誕節當天決志信主了，神果然應允了我多年的禱告，雖然過程艱辛，但卻可與主同行。願榮耀都歸與我主耶穌基督。
Amazing Healing
Tammy Lung
On Friday morning of MTC07, I walked into the prayer room. Pastor Anton was praying for individual coworkers, and I stood in the midst with a weary heart. Approaching me, Pastor Anton’s first words were, “My sister, you are very weak, you seem to have fallen and lost hope. However, God’s grace is sufficient, and He will sustain you.” As he spoke to my situation in the past three months and how God used them to answer my prayer to walk in closer intimacy with Him, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Since I had never talked with Pastor Anton, I knew clearly that it was the consolation from God. I cried out inside, “Yes! Yes! God, you know everything.”
In the past three months, my seven-year old Tommy caught a very peculiar oral disease. From deep within both sides of his oral cavities, redness began to develop, followed by swelling and infection, which then turned dark. Eventually it became an abscess about the size of an extracted molar. In the past three months, the condition never ceased to cycle between recovery and regression. Often he was forced to run around in the house to ease the pain. Wherever he went, he carried the anesthetic mouthwash in hand. He couldn’t eat, and even drinking was hard. During this period, he was unable to attend school. He was pale, malnourished, in constant pain, miserable and depressed. He woke up in the middle of the night, crying because of the pain. His physical and psychological health spiraled down. Antibiotics prescribed by the oral specialists were ineffective. Examinations with radiation scan could not reveal any abnormalities. At last, we hoped that oral biopsy would help to uncover the disease, but again to no avail. Three specialists claimed that they had never seen such a case and advised us to transfer to another branch of specialty, but they were not sure which specialty it should be.
Everyday, my husband and I were consumed as we watched Tommy battle with his own immune system, becoming weaker and sadder day by day. After the biopsy, Tommy refused to eat any food, except to drink liquid nutritional supplement. His weight dropped rapidly, losing twenty pounds within just two weeks. Besides pain, he had developed a fear of eating; tears would well up as soon as he saw food. As parents, we were in great agony, but besides praying for him unceasingly, we didn’t know how to alleviate Tommy’s pain. When my parents came to visit him, it was so unbearably for my mother that she almost fell ill.
During this time, our family was like in a spiritual warfare. The enemy wanted to take away our faith, our heart for ministry and our desire to open up our home. The enemy wanted to frighten us through our child’s disease, but I deeply believed that our lives are in God’s hand. If God allowed it to happen to me, I would remain silent and never back down. I believed that God has a wonderful will behind all this. Although the course was difficult, He had surrounded me with a group of brothers and sisters and pastors, who interceded for us and provided care and support to us. It made me believe deeply that God takes care of me, encourages me and loves me.
Right about this time, the annual MTC was drawing near. Both my husband and I were to minister and thus could not be absent. There seemed to be a quiet understanding between us to not to even mention the possibility of giving up the conference or ministering. However, during the three days prior to the conference, I wept each time as I was ministering. Anyone’s comfort would make me sob unstoppably. Nevertheless, there was a thought in my heart telling me to be strong; to do whatever needed to be done and to leave everything to God.
Thus, I remained at my ministry post until Friday morning when God comforted me through the prophetic prayer of Pastor Anton. Pastor Anton said, “This is a key moment—God will answer your prayer.” Hope was rekindled in my heart. That night, Tommy’s stamina had hit its limit, and he was unable to get downstairs. My husband had to stay in the room to accompany him. That night after his message, Pastor Anton announced that the power of healing was to be released that night, especially to the young people, who would be empowered to prayer for others’ healing. I saw the Holy Spirit’s anointing of healing operating in the sanctuary—God was healing and delivering people in need. The air was filled with an atmosphere of godliness, healing and heavenly mystery. I rushed to phone my husband, asking him to bring Tommy downstairs. I told him that God was doing works of healing, and he was not to waste time in bed but to hurry over to get prayed for. Since Tommy was completely exhausted, my husband carried him to the meeting on his back.
As Pastor Anton was about to depart, I immediately stepped forward to ask him to pray for my sick child. He walked back to the stage right away and invited Tommy up the stage, and proclaiming, “I saw the power of healing on this child. God will do a miracle. Doctors cannot heal him, but God will, not only his body but also his mind. He will not be afraid of eating food. He can eat all kinds of food, no restrictions needed. Young children will rise up! Rise up, rise up for God!” Like in a dream, both Tommy and I received the healing power simultaneously. Pastor Anton did not know what illness Tommy had, but God is omniscient and omnipotent. Through Pastor Anton’s prayer, God brought forth healing, edification, comfort and encouragement. “On the day I called, you answered me; you increased my strength of soul.” (Psalms 138:3)
My twin sons, Timmy and Tommy, had been hoping to be baptized during the conference. The next day, on Saturday, due to Tommy’s healing, the baptism they had awaited for an entire year took place.
After the conference, Tommy returned to school. Although he was still every weak and didn’t have a strong stamina, he was no longer afraid of eating. Now tissues in his oral cavity have already been healed, and his mind and body are gradually recovering. Still we don’t know the cause of his disease, but we give thanks and praise to the Lord. His grace is sufficient. As a result of this amazing healing, the beautiful witness had deeply moved my 81-year old father, who also decided to accept Jesus as his Lord on Christmas Day. Indeed, God answered my prayer of many years. The journey is hard but I can walk through it with God. Glory be to my Lord Jesus Christ.
找到命定
慈安
在過去的半年裡，神興起Melinda姐妹在教會裡開始一個婦女查經小組，研讀Babara K .Mouser 所著『合神心意女人的5方面要點』（Five Aspects of Woman）這本書。推出之前她問我意見如何，我真想說『週日下午正好眠，捲起書本待來年』； 但我一向感受Melinda身上散發出一股說不出的平靜與智慧，她提議的一定對我們有益，於是決定全力支持。沒想到造成我生命這階段的一個大轉變；書都還沒讀完，很多姐妹也都已經大大地經歷了神。
書中的第一個要點是提醒女人，她是自己內外各個生命領域的女主人。神先造男人，再造女人；男人女人一起建立神的國度，在各個領域裡『生養眾多，遍滿地面，治理這地』（創 1: 28節）；這是我們受造的目的與命定，是一個國度大任。而我們教會的異象『10,500大任』是呼召神的子民，不論男女老少，貧賤富貴，要在自己對內與對外的生命領域裡（國度裡），謙卑並竭力追求卓越、成為精英，也就是書中所說的：要作主人，在世界上具影響力的各個山頭，為神做見證，建立祂的國度；在末世盛裝大收割，直到神榮耀再來的那日。精英以一萬表示，五百則代表屬靈的遮蓋。我終於了解了10,500大任的意思，我們的命定是為著建立神的國度！捨己跟從耶穌，為神建立國度的人就是精英！如同馬太福音13章44、45節說道：天國好像寶貝藏在田裡，人遇見了，就把他藏起來，歡歡喜喜地去變賣所有的買這塊地；天國又像買賣人，尋找好珠子，遇見一顆重價的珠子，就去變賣他一切所有的，買了這珠子。
但『因為世人都犯了罪，虧缺了神的榮耀』（羅3:23），亞當、夏娃犯罪後，人類就走向了末世；我們現在就活在末世裡。我們不再活出神創造我們的原意，也就不能完成祂所吩咐『生養眾多，遍滿地面，治理這地』的大任。其實整本聖經裡，神藉著不同的方式反覆不斷地告訴人：先是以洪水毀滅罪惡的世界，然後讓火山爆發埋葬罪惡之都 – 索多瑪與峨摩拉，允許埃及法老屠殺希伯來人的男嬰滅族，接著又有各個兇暴殘忍的民族毀滅離棄神而去拜偶像的以色列人，就是要我們知道，若不『因信得生』（哈2:4），如同諾亞造方舟、羅得一家出索多瑪、摩西領百姓出埃及，以及以色列人出巴比倫，迴轉歸向神修築聖殿一樣，最後神竟親自賜下獨生子耶穌救贖我們，我們怎能成為聖潔，有資格建造神的國度？以前我總以為末世是以後快發生的事，原來已經身處其中而渾然不覺，其實末世都快結束了，主快要再來了（啟 22: 20）！
接著第二個要點說到，女人不但是男人的『幫助者』，更是男人的『完全者』。創世記2:18說，『那人獨居不好，我要為他造一個配偶幫助他』，中文或英文聖經所用的『幫助(help)』一詞，不能盡然表示希伯來文עֵזֶר (’ezer)的原意，עֵזֶר (’ezer) 是『完全』的意思，是必需的，不可缺少的，並沒有次等附屬的意思，因此這節經文應該這麼表達更確切：『那人獨居不好，我要為他造一個配偶完成他』，或『使他完全』。所以女人幫助男人的目的是要使彼此得以完全，合而為一，一同回應神吩咐我們建造國度大任的呼召。男人的工作若沒有女人，就不完全， 反之亦然，神的國度也就不能被建立！就像教會以基督為首，基督是新郎，教會是新婦，要合為一體，神的子民要與神合而為一， 『合一』出自於神三位一體的形象-聖父、聖子、聖靈合而為一，互為完全，祂將『合一』的形象造在我們裡面！
小女兒出生後，生活把我的精神和體力拉到極限，每天盡全力照顧三個孩子、管理家務，心裡認為：女人不是男人的幫助嗎？撐下去一定有盼望，努力向前的必有獎賞。但我先生竟然常感覺我在扯他後腿，我因此常問：主啊！我是哪裡出問題了？那些偉大的女性是怎麼做到的？當知道原來神的命定是要男人與女人合而為一來建造完成祂的國度，我以前的那些辛苦原是為此目的，真是太值得了；往後無論怎麼艱難都會充滿喜樂，因為有一天，我們與我們的後代將要親眼看到神榮耀的再來，祂的政權與平安必加增無窮（賽9:7）。我終於找到了解答！我好像約翰福音4章所述井邊的婦人一樣，喝到了不會再渴的水，『人若喝我所賜的水，就永遠不渴，我所賜的水，要在他裡頭成為泉源，直湧到永生』。（約4:14）我們生命裡的每一個階段都有一個短暫的目的，但若不將這些目的連結到神所賜永恆的命定，很容易在達到一個目的之後就不知何去何從，甚至每次參加特會後回到生活的壓力下，就感到沒盼望；這都是因為我們忘了我們是為建造神的國度而受造，要持續『生養眾多，遍滿地面，治理這地』這項大任！
看到其他姐妹也因這個小組領受了許多的祝福，生命得到改變，在「中西部感恩節特會」(MTC)之前兩週的主日，神忽然提醒我，為何不將這麼好的祝福與大會的姐妹們分享？於是經由大會總幹事孟達弟兄的同意，大膽地問了當時懷孕4個月的Melinda姐妹願不願意提供這個講座，又請身負註冊組重任的以樂姐妹做翻譯，因為她是姐妹小組中文部的小組長，她們竟不約而同地說要回去禱告；幾天後即回覆我說，神感動她們接受這項任務。直到講座開始的前一刻，我們三個其實都心照不宣地在擔心：要是只有我們三個參加怎麼辦？我們的禱告是：即使只有一、兩位姐妹來參加，都願她們藉此找到她們的命定，並去影響他人。沒想到原本預備好的20份講義都不夠，還好在場有兩位弟兄：劉彬和陳中興，幫助我們錄影、搬椅子、印講義，使我們的工作得以完全。Melinda教導完後，艷玲姐妹抱著她的小女兒做見證，最後來自台灣禱告山的吳翠華牧師與芝加哥的Elsie湯師母為姐妹們祝福禱告。我看到所有姐妹都面滿笑容，不少人結束後還留下來繼續熱烈地討論，相信神已在每個人的心裡種下神國度的種子，回去後會繼續為神發光！
特會後一天傍晚，台灣禱告山的張哈拿牧師為我禱告。她一開始就說：神揀選你成全你的先生，來成全祂的國度，神喜悅你們成全神的國度。我當場只能不停的說：阿們！神竟透過一位完全不認識我的牧師，一字不漏地把我從神來的領受講了出來，我都還沒告訴我先生呢！她的禱告為我這陣子所領受的做了更進一步的印證，如啟示錄19:10所述『因為預言中的靈意，乃是為耶穌作見證』！我的身體裡好像有一團比原子彈還要強的能力要爆炸出來，被聖靈大大地充滿，那首最近常唱的詩歌“O Happy Day”就一直在心裡放送不停。以前唱這首詩歌覺得很喜樂，但現在是極樂狂喜，言語不能形容我心中快樂的感覺，我很想不停地禱告敬拜讚美這位又真又活的神。我終於了解為什麼初代教會『他們天天同心合意恆切地在殿裏』（徒2:46），為什麼啟示錄有多處記載，我們將晝夜不住地敬拜神，因為當我們嚐到主恩的滋味，就知道有多美好（詩34:8;彼前2:3），就想歸榮耀給祂！
除了想要敬拜讚美神以外，神也開啟了我敬拜的耳朵。以前我對詩歌的曲調很挑剔，也很容易聽到演奏或演唱的雜音和走音。雖然非常尊敬作曲者們愛神的心，可是聽在耳裡總是不能享受；看到別人陶醉的樣子，我真的很羨慕，常常跟神說：把我變成耳聾或音痴吧，至少我還能快樂點！但這次被聖靈充滿之後，神真的回應了我的禱告！就像哥林多前書3章18-19節所述『在這世界自以為有智慧，倒不如變作愚拙，好成為有智慧的。因這世界的智慧，在神看是愚拙。』我忽然發現向神敬拜讚美時，我不再受聲音的轄制而得到完全的自由，『主的靈在哪裏，那裏就得以自由』（林後3:17）。只要是讚美敬拜神的詩歌都非常悅耳，而且令我興奮地想流淚；我感受到，我們的敬拜成為馨香的祭（利3:5）升到神的寶座前，蒙神悅納， 神多麼喜悅祂的兒女來敬拜讚美祂！
我又好像井邊的婦人一般。當她親眼見到這位真神時，就立刻跑去她所住的村子裡向人說：『有一個人將我素來所行的一切事都給我說出來了』（約4:29）。我也好想去向每個人分享我遇見神的喜樂，告訴人我生命的大轉變，對他們說：聖經的每一句話都是真的，『耶穌基督，昨日、今日，一直到永遠是一樣的』！（來13:8）連不認識的路人，我都很想對他們說，為他們禱告。所以經過牧師的同意，我立刻在教會裡分享了這次的見證。神也開了我的眼，當我讀聖經時，以前曾經覺得枯燥無味的字句又活了起來，我好像在大口飽嚐天上的美味，吞嚥稀有的大餐，讓我很想再多讀。做家事時，忽然會有啟示和經節進到腦中，我就趕快寫下來並去查找那些經節，查經不再是會打瞌睡的苦差事。當從神的話語了解祂的心意與奧秘時，那種興奮是無法形容的！神接著又提醒我，要去以前所住過的地方，將這個好消息告訴朋友們。結婚15年，我和先生因求學和工作的緣故，幾乎每兩年搬一次家，住過8個城市。神在末世的大使命就是『所以，你們要去，使萬民作我的門徒，奉父、子、聖靈的名給他們施洗。凡我所吩咐你們的，都教訓他們遵守，我就常與你們同在，直到世界的末了。』（太28:19-20）。做為一個家庭主婦，『要去』還真的有難度，但神很奇妙地真的給我機會『去』，拜訪故地的朋友們，傳講祂的心意！感謝主揀選我們來完成祂的國度大任：『生養眾多，遍滿地面，治理這地』；這是我們受造的目的與命定，我們生命的意義，我們一生的祝福！(寫於2010年感恩節之後)
Destiny, Eureka!
Tzu-Ann
During the last 6 months, God has risen up sister Melinda to start a women’s group to study “Five Aspects of Woman” written by Mrs. Barbara K. Mouser. Before promoting this event, she asked me for my opinion. I wanted to say that, “Sunday afternoon is just the perfect time to rest. Why don’t we wait and see?” However, I always sense an indescribable calmness and wisdom within her so whatever she suggests must be beneficial to us. Therefore, I decided to fully support her on her proposal. Little did I know that this decision would radically change in my life. Without even finishing the whole book, many sisters have also already encountered God in profound ways.
The first aspect brings to light that a woman is the mistress of the domain (inner and outer domains in life). God first created man, then woman. Together, man and woman build God’s kingdom to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28). This is our creation purpose and destiny. This is the “Kingdom Mandate”. Interestingly, this is also the exact calling for our church – the “10500 Mandate” – calling God’s people, men and women, young and old, rich or poor, to humbly and whole heartedly run toward excellence. We are called to be an elite, or a “mistress or master”, over our domains – becoming God’s testimony on every major mountains of influence in the world, fulfilling our assignment to build His kingdom and contain the Great Harvest for the day of God’s glorious coming. Elites are represented by the number 10,000, whereas 500 represent their spiritual covers. I finally have grasped the meaning of “10500 Mandate” – our destiny is to build God’s Kingdom! Those who deny themselves and follow Jesus are the elites! For Matthew 13:44-45 says, “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. ”
But even in this great call, the scripture says that “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) After Adam and Eve sinned, people entered into the age of “end time”. We are now truly living in end time – no longer living to the full extent of God’s original creation purpose. Therefore, we cannot fully fulfill His mandate to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it”. In fact, throughout the whole Bible, in various ways, God has repeatedly warned people about the end time: the flood destroying the sinful world, a volcanic burial of Sodom and Gomorrah, ethnic genocide of Hebrew male babies by Egyptian Pharaoh, and the violent and cruel nations set to destroy Israel when she turned away from God and worshipped idols. If we don’t live by faith (Habakkuk 2:4), like Noah’s building the ark, Lot’s family’s exit of Sodom, Moses’ leading the Israelites to exit Egypt, Israelis’ exit of Babylon, returning to God and building the temple, and God’s sending of His only son to save us, how could we become holy and be worthy to build God’s Kingdom? I used to think “end time” means something that will happen in the near future, without realizing that I am in “end time” already! Actually, “end time” is almost coming to an “end” and Christ is returning soon!
The second aspect points out that a woman is not only a man’s “helper”, but more importantly, is his “completer”. Genesis 2:18 states that “The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” In Chinese and English Bible, the word “help” can not exactly express the original meaning of the Hebrew word “עֵזֶר (’ezer)”. It means “to complete”, “necessary”, and “indispensible”. It excludes the meaning of secondary and subordinate. Namely, the more exact way to state this verse is “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a completer meet for him”. Therefore, the purpose for woman to help man is to make each other complete and become one in order to respond to the God’s calling of building the Kingdom. Without woman, man’s work will not be completed and vice versa. As a consequence, God’s Kingdom cannot be built up. Similarly, the Church recognizes Christ as Her head. Jesus is the bridegroom and The Church is His bride. They shall become one. In the same way, God’s people and God shall become one. After all, “Oneness” originates from God’s image of trinity – God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. The three parts become one to complete each other. God made the image of “oneness” inside us!
After my youngest daughter was born, life stretched my emotional and physical strength to the limit. I did my best to take care of three children and do housework, thinking “Isn’t woman a man’s helper? Perseverance will certainly bring hope. Striving forward will eventually bring reward.” But my husband actually feels that I constantly held him back. I often asked “Lord! What are my problems? How did those great women do it?” It turns out that if we recognize that men and women’s destinies are to build God’s Kingdom together, then my laboring is totally worth it. No matter how hard life becomes in the future, it will be filled with joy because we and our children will see God’s glorious coming, and the eternal increase of His government and peace (Isaiah 9:7). Eureka! I finally found the answer! I was just like the woman at the well who drank the “never thirsting” water described in John 4: “but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14). All of us have short-termed goal in every stage of our lives. If we don’t align these goals with God’s eternal destiny for us, we will easily lose orientation after achieving each goal. Even to a point that after being pumped up in special conference, we become hopeless as soon as we return back to the stress of our daily life. This is all because that we have forgotten that we are created to build God’s kingdom and carry out the mandate to “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.”
In seeing other sisters also receiving many blessings from the women’s group and their lives being changed, God gave me a vision at church 2 weeks before Midwest Thanksgiving Conference (MTC). Why not share such wonderful blessings to all the sisters during the conference? So after receiving approval from Meng-Da Hsieh, the MTC coordinator, I then boldly approached sister Melinda Wong, then 4 months pregnant, on whether she would like to lead a workshop of “5 Aspects of Woman”. I also asked Sister Joyce Weng, who oversees MTC registration, to be the interpreter because she leads the Chinese discussion for the women’s group. They both told me that they would pray about this. After several days, both replied me that God has moved them to take on this task.
Honestly speaking, up until the moment before the workshop began, we were secretly worried that what if only 3 of us showed up after all? Our prayer was: even if only one or 2 sisters show up, they would find their destiny by this workshop and influence others. Unexpectedly, the 20 copies of the lecture notes were not enough to go around! Praise the Lord that He even provided 2 brothers, Bin and Francis, to help us print extra notes, record the message, and move the chairs, so that our work could be completed.
After sister Melinda’s teaching, sister Yanling, holding her baby girl, gave a wonderful testimony. The workshop concluded with a prayer blessing from Pastor Rebecca Wu from Chinese Christian Prayer Mountain (CCPM) and Mrs. Elsie Tong from Chicago. I saw many sisters with smile on their faces. Many of them stayed afterward for more lively sharing and discussions. I believe that God has planted the seed of His Kingdom in every woman’s heart so that they will continue to shine for God after they leave the conference.
After the conference, Pastor Hannah Chang from CCPM prayed for me one evening. She began by saying, “God has chosen you to complete your husband, David, in order to complete His Kingdom work. God is delighted that you are completing your Kingdom task.” I can only respond by saying “Amen”. God reveal exactly what I had received from Him through the prophetic prayer of a pastor who did not know me at all. I have not even told my husband yet! Her prayer further confirmed what I have received from God recently, as spoken in Revelation 19:10 “for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”!
I felt like a power that is greater than atomic bomb is going to explode from my body. As I was overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit, the song “O Happy Day” started to play again and again in my heart. Often when I sang this song, I easily feel its liveliness. But this time, the joyfulness I felt cannot be measured. There are no words that can describe the happy feeling in my heart. I truly want to pray and worship, without ceasing, this true and living God. I finally understand why the early church constantly worshipped the Lord together (Acts 2:46, 47) and why many places in Revelation say that we will worship the Lord day and night. It is because when we taste and see that the Lord is good, we want to give Him all glory (Psalm 35:8, I Peter 2:3)!
Beside the unquenchable desire to worship and praise God, He also opened my ears of worship. I used to be very picky with the musical aspects of praise songs. I can easily discern when instruments or vocals project noise or go off pitch. Even though I respect a composer’s heart toward God, I rarely find the worship music enjoyable. I really envy other people when I saw them enjoy themselves during worship. I constantly say to God “Please turn off my keen musical senses because at least I will be happier!” However, after being filled by the Holly Spirit, God truly answered my prayer! Just as 1 Corinthians 3:18-19 says, “If any of you think he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a “fool” so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.”. I suddenly realize that when I worship and praise God, my heart was no longer stymied by the sound. God completely set me free – “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). As long as the songs worship and praise my Lord, they would stir me with excitement and I would often shed tears in response. I can feel our worship rising as a fragrant sacrifice (Leviticus 3:5) to the throne of God to bring Him pleasure. God is abundantly pleased when His children come to worship and praise Him!
Just like the women at the well who immediately ran to tell her village about Jesus when she met the true God, I was also bursting with desire to share the joy of my encounter with God. I burned with eagerness to tell people about my life transformation, about how every word in the Bible is true, and how “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrew 13:8)! I even want to share my testimony with strangers I meet on the street and pray for them. I then asked my pastor for permission to share my testimony in the church.
God also opened my eyes. When I would read the Bible, the words that use to be dull became alive. It was like eating a hardy and sumptuous heavenly meal such that the more I ate, the more I desired the word. When I do housework, the Lord would bring me revelations and Bible verses. I would often quickly jot them down and look for those verses. Studying Bible is no longer a chore for me. The excitement of understanding God’s desire and mystery through reading God’s words is indescribable!
Subsequently, God began to prod me to go to the places we have lived to share with them about this good news. During the 15 years of marriage, my husband and I moved every 2 years and have lived in 8 cities because of school and work. God’s Mandate in end time is “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” (Matt 28:19- 20). For a homemaker like me, there is a certain degree of difficulty with “go”. However, God miraculously gave me the opportunities to “go” and to speak His desire. Thank God for choosing us to complete his Kingdom directive to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it”. This is our creation purpose and destiny, the meaning and the blessing of our life! (Memoir after Thanksgiving, 2010)
